When I picked up my girls from school last week, I noticed right away that Nadine was bothered by something. “What’s the matter?” I probed.
“We got our class pictures today,” she answered. “I had a funny face and my classmates laughed at me,” she continued showing me her picture. Indeed, the camera caught her with her eyes half closed. I looked at her distressed face as she started to cry. I gathered her in my arms and let her bawl. What hurt her the most was that the classmates she thought were her “best friends” were the ones who laughed the most.
Oh how my heart broke to see her hurt and distressed over this! If I could take away her pain and bear it for her I would! But I knew she had to learn that life is not all roses, that sometimes there are thorns that would prick and hurt us.
I let her cry for a while and after some more probing, she said that there were some who did not laugh and she was grateful to them. She said that she now knows who her real friends are.
Nadine has always been a highly sensitive child. Even as a babe, she was always quick to notice more in her environment and would react accordingly. She is a deep thinker and is capable of observing subtleties that most people would miss. Her mind is constantly filled with interesting perceptions and imaginative plays. Her sensitivity has also resulted to a tender heart. She is thoughtful and can easily empathize with others. In her own time, she has made a number of friends in school.
I always knew that I could never shelter her from the harshness of the world. That though difficult it may be for me, I have to let go and allow her to experience these things in order for her to grow and learn. That these encounters will mold her into becoming a better person.
As we were having lunch, Nadine was obviously still affected by the morning’s events but has somehow settled her emotions already. I slowly suggested that maybe her friends didn’t know that laughing at her picture made her feel bad. I explained that sometimes people are not aware that what they do or say may hurt others. I told her that maybe if she tells them how she really felt then they would realize what they have done and may show that they are sorry.
Nadine thought this was a good idea and agreed to do that the next day. I thought this would be a good way to encourage her to stand up for herself, to express how she felt, to regain the confidence and self-esteem that she needed.
The next day, we asked her if she was able to talk to her classmates and she gave us a big smile and said yes. She had told them how she felt when they laughed at her and she was pleased that they all apologized and said that they still wanted to be her friend.
I am relieved that it all turned out well in the end. Sigh. The challenges of parenting.
