Maintaining AP

I was an excited new mom when I had Nadine, my first born, 10 years ago. I knew I wanted to do my best in taking care of this new person for whom I am now responsible for. I tried to breastfeed long but because of lack of support wasn't able to sustain it. However, I wore Nadine in a baby carrier (as slings were not readily available yet then) as I noticed that she preferred that over the stroller. I also co-slept because it seemed that my baby didn't like sleeping in her brand new crib. Basically, I followed my instinct as a mom. I picked up my baby when she cried and responded positively to her needs and wants. I didn't believe in spoiling a baby as they can hardly express themselves. I worked around what I felt was right rather than what the "oldies" said should be done. In return, I had a happy and secure baby.

Then while browsing through Booksale one day, I found the book, The Ministry of Parenting Your Baby by Dr. William Sears and wife-nurse Martha Sears. It actually amazed me that my parenting approach actually had a term --- Attachment Parenting. AP encourages bonding with your baby at the earliest time possible. As I understand it, when you are well-bonded with your baby then you become sensitive to her needs. And when you respond lovingly and timely to what she is asking for then trust is developed in the parent-child relationship. The baby trusts that the parent will meet her needs. And as the baby grows older, that trust eventually develops too.

Reading the book, I felt affirmed with my maternal instincts. The information I got reinforced and enhanced my desire to develop strong connections with my children. With the birth of Raya, Alyssa and Cerise, I developed my confidence in connecting with them and establishing that bond early on. Breastfeeding, babywearing and co-sleeping were the norm in our home.

Although these are mere tools (7 Baby B's) to achieving AP, I wouldn't say that they are absolute. I didn't breastfeed Nadine and Cerise long but that doesn't mean that I am less connected with them than Raya and Alyssa whom I breastfed for more than a year. As long as the end goal is better understanding of your children, then that would suffice.

I believe that being attuned to them and their needs and feelings are what helped my girls be sensitive likewise to other people and animals as well. I've always admired Nadine's high EQ, Raya's different perspective on things and Alyssa's confidence and security. Because I know each and every one of them, know their personalities and characters, I also know how to deal with them effectively. That trust that was once one-way (baby trusting parents) has become two-way. I now also trust them and expect that they would respond accordingly to situations.

I think I now reap the benefits of Attachment Parenting as I've been told many times that my girls are well-behaved and respectful whether I am around or not. They have shown good self-esteem and confidence in themselves. This makes me proud beyond words because they know what is expected of them even without being reminded.

But parenting, of course, does not end here. It is a continuous process and I'll be the first to say that my girls are not really as perfect as they seem. We still have a long way to go. Heck, we haven't even touched the teen years yet! Ha!

How do we keep on using AP as the child grows older? I think the key here is to stay connected with the kids. Nadine and Raya are now 10 and 8 respectively. They are in grade school where they have built relationships with other people --- classmates, teachers, etc. But one thing I noticed, that no matter how far they venture off to build other relationships, there is always a need to reconnect with me and their dad. I think AP comes in here by being sensitive to their need to reconnect and being readily available for that.

How then can we maintain that connectedness while are children are growing up? Three things that I picked up from a video shown in an activity in school may help us in doing this:

1. Have at least one meal together in a day. When the kids start growing up and having activities outside the family, it would be good to have such a rule in the family. I remember that when I was in college, my siblings and I were all expected to be home by dinnertime. If dinner is not possible, then have it at breakfast time. Mealtimes are usually an opportunity to talk about their day or their lives. (Like breastfeeding)

2. Bonding while in the car. With the traffic and the distances in the city, use this opportunity to open up a conversation with your child/children. The good thing about being in the car, especially if you're driving is that you don't have to make eye contact. Hehe! Just listen to what your child has to say or listen while she converses with others friends in the car and get to know them more by their comments and their thoughts. (Like babywearing)

3. Have a nighttime ritual. You need not sleep beside them at night. But right after they've prepared for bed, sneak in to tuck them in or say their prayers with them or just ask how there day was in a nutshell. And before leaving the room, a goodnight kiss and an "I love you!" would be the best send off to dreamland. (Like co-sleeping)

Parenting isn't easy. We all want to bring up children who are sensitive and confident and a joy to be with. Being connected can help us achieve that. These are just stuff I've read or learned about that I want to apply in my life. Some will work, some won't. I guess I will have to sift through and see what's best for me and my girls. If you have any more ideas on how to do that, I'd be happy to hear them! We all do our best given our own and unique situations.

You've Come A Long Way, Baby!

My dearest Cerise,

I can still remember the day we brought you home from the hospital. We were so thrilled that you were finally with us, part of our family. You were the biggest baby born among your siblings and we marveled at your size and your sweet nature.

Then the following week and months after were the most horrible ones for me. We had to deal with your sepsis, congenital heart holes, failure to thrive, thyroid and liver problems, amoebiasis, constant blood work and of course with results. All these obstacles brought about your physical delays. The truth is, I am grateful that your delays are just physical. The last visit to the Developmental Pediatrician showed that she may still be delayed physically but in other areas you are either at par with your age or even beyond.

I still feel a tinge of regret for not bringing you to the Dev Pedia right away and maybe we could have addressed your physical problems earlier. It took a while for you to learn to clap your hands, sit upright, sit down by yourself, crawl and even cruise around the house. I would look at other children your age or even younger than you who are running and walking around and I pray to God that someday, you too will have that joy to be more mobile on your own. At that time, we had to address your more immediate problems, such as your thyroid, and the physical delays had to be put on hold. But nevertheless, we were able to send you to a physical therapist and slowly you gained confidence in the physical area.

I distinctly remember that January afternoon when Teacher Joy, your physical therapist, called me to come inside the PT room. She wanted me to see that you could now sit up on your own from lying down. I literally cried! You see, I was getting impatient with your progress. We've been going to therapy for 6 months already and while you were improving very well, I wanted to see you like kids your age already. I guess you needed to do things in your own time.
 
We are so proud of how you've passed all your trials with flying colors. When I look at you now, a bright and happy baby, my heart is filled with joy. You have improved a lot compared to that little newborn whom I was afraid to leave us before her time. Right now, our goal is that you will soon be able to walk on your own, hopefully by your 2nd birthday. And I know that that is not far fetched. You love going around, cruising and exploring. Soon soon, you will just surprise us with your steps. And I long for that day. In my heart, I know this will come anytime.

I love your with all my heart!

Love,
Mommy

Cerise insists on feeding herself.


Cerise crawling around the house


Cerise walking with minimum assistance

Sweetie Pie

This is my oldest daughter, Nadine. I've always thought that she is amazing. The moment she was born and placed on my chest, I burst into tears overwhelmed with the miracle that lived inside me for 9 months. She was a beautiful baby all wide eyed and observant from the start. And she continues to grow beautifully each day.

Since she is the first of the four girls, I suppose she was a victim of trial and error parenting. Haha! But she wasn't hard to parent. We had that instant bond that developed over the weeks and months and eventually years. She was easy to talk to even as a baby. I remember one time when she wasn't a year old yet and I was talking sternly to her. I told her to look at me and listen to what I had to say. She faced me and seemed to understand right away what I said and what I wanted to happen. I knew she was smart from the start. I knew we had that attachment, that bond with each other.

Newborn Nadine at the hospital

She talked early and would express herself very well with words and actions. She was easy to teach and would sign please and thank you at a very early age. She also had a wonderful sense of humor. One time, when she was about a year and a half, we were listening to the music of winnie-the-pooh and she started singing, "Winnie the Pig! Winnie the Pig!" then she'd look at me at the corner of her eye and then start laughing. She was so adorable!

And she was articulate at such a young age. A few months after Raya was born, she told me matter-of-factly that she "didn't like Raya." It broke my heart to hear her say it but I was also proud that she was able to verbalize it. She was only 2 years old but she was able to tell me how she felt. I knew she was going through the adjustment stage and didn't really take it personally. It eventually passed and she and Raya have grown closer over the years.

She was always gentle with the baby, fulfilling her role as "Ate" even at such an early age. She was my helper then as she assisted me in giving Raya a bath or changing diapers or distracting her.

When she turned 3 years old, we had a small party for her in her school. But before going to school, we gave her our gift, a baby doll wrapped up in the gift wrapper. She didn't know what was inside but I knew she was curious. What surprised me was that she didn't open the gift right away and waited til after her school! I was actually shocked that she had good EQ at such a young age!

Over the years, she hasn't changed much. She is still smart and witty and beautiful inside and out. About two or three years ago, during a parent-teacher chat in school, Raya's teacher had nothing but praises for Nadine and shared with me how Nadine would watch out and visit Raya in her classroom, check that her things and lunchbox are in order, that she has eaten her lunch. The teacher's comments made me smile. Nadine has always made me proud!

Lately she has again been my ever reliable helper at home. Especially when our yaya is gone for her classes, Nadine willingly helps me around the house and assists me in taking care of her sisters. She would put water in the containers of Raya and Alyssa before we leave the house. She would help carry the bags and help entertain Cerise when outside the house. She is such a gem! A diamond in my life!

This week, she has demonstrated once again how disciplined she is. She has been taking extra math classes to help enhance her math skills. The program, ENOPI, encourages the student to do drills everyday. She goes to the center twice a week and on days that she doesn't go, she is tasked to finish work at home. But of course there are days, especially on weekends when we are out and she is not able to do her work. She has imposed a self-rule that she will not use the computer on days that she is not able to do her math. And she really does it! 

Nadine is such a remarkable person! She is 10 years old now turning 11 this year but she has shown maturity way beyond her years. As she enters the pre-teen years, I can sense some angst sometimes or curiousness and observations, typical of a young adult. I pray and wish that she would always feel that closeness with me and that she will know that she can approach me anytime should she have questions that need to be answered. I have told her this already but I hope it sinks in her head.

Nadine with their pet chichuahua, Inky

I have loved her from the moment she was conceived and my heart continues to burst for my love for her. She is and will always be my Sweetie Pie!

Almondigas

Description:
Mier is fond of soupy dishes. We used to have this often until we were getting tired of it. Haha! It has been quite sometime since I cooked it and decided to prepare it for tonight. :-)

Ingredients:
For the meatballs:
1/2 ground pork
1 carrot grated
1 onion minced
1 clove garlic minced
bread crumbs
egg
salt
pepper
a pinch of sugar
knorr

misua noodles
pork broth or boullion cube and water
garlic
patis
spring onions

Directions:
1. Combine all ingredients for the meatballs and form into small balls about 30+.
2. In a deep saucepan, heat oil and saute garlic.
3. When garlic is a little browned, put water and boullion cube.
4. When it starts to boil, drop meatballs one by one. When meatballs start to rise, put misua in.
5. Season with patis and sprinkle spring onions on top.

Mind your Manners

Teacher Faith, Alyssa's teacher in baby ballet class always has a treat for the kids after every class. It may be lollipops or chocolates or wiggles (chocolate covered mallows) or stickers or popcorn. And every time she gets a treat I always ask Alyssa if she said "Thank You!" after she receives it. She would grin sheepishly and say, "I forgot!" I would gently reprimand her and ask her to go back to the teacher and show her appreciation.

 Alyssa with Teacher Faith

The other day, when we got to the car, I asked her again if she said "Thank You!" and once again she said that she forgot. So I blew it and started to raise my voice and get angry at her. I told her that I was so tired of reminding her time and again to show gratitude to everyone. Why doesn't she remember? What should I do to make her remember? I told her I love her but I am not happy with such behavior. If I need to be angry so she will learn so be it. Her daddy and I never failed to show appreciation to people who deserve it ---- janitors, guards, helpers, etc. Can she not learn by example? I want her to grow up as a well mannered person, appreciating even the little things in life and not expecting that the world owes them. I was so angry and she was quietly crying in her car seat knowing that she disappointed me once again. I hugged her when we got home and told her that I hope she remembers it from this day on.

Two days later, I was busy chatting on the phone while she was at baby ballet class. I didn't even know that the class had ended. She came up to me with a big smile on her face, showed me her treat and hugged me saying "I didn't forget, Mommy! I said Thank You!" I hugged her tightly and told her that I loved her very much and that I was so proud of her. She wouldn't let go of my hug. When she pulled away, I saw tears in her eyes. "Why are you crying?" I asked. Her reply was classic: "Because I am soooo happy!!!" Sigh, such a darling!!

Alyssa getting her class card from Teacher Faith with a curtsy

My little darling Alyssa

Summer Frenzy

Summer must be my busiest time of the year next to the Christmas holidays. I have four girls with ages ranging from 10 years old to 1 year old and each of them have a number of activities to keep them active during the summer. So my chaperone role is an addition to my year round roles of cook, teacher, lawyer, judge, driver, etc.

Nadine has piano lessons, voice lessons, math skills builder and horseback riding training. Raya has chess classes, hiphop lessons, voice and eventually math skills builder too. Alyssa has ballet and Cerise has physical therapy.

It's a good thing that hiphop and ballet are slated for only two weeks. Well, everyday of that two weeks though. So you can imagine how I run from one activity to the other and make time for other stuff in between. Well, I had to make sure that I am able to make the most of our time away from home. So I planned Nadine's math skills builder at the same time as Raya's hiphop so I can drop one after the other and save my sanity. Haha!

Piano and voice lessons are only once a week but both fall on the same day --- Monday, making it the busiest day of the week. 8am Raya goes to chess, 9am Nadine goes to piano. I pick them both up at 10am then rush to hiphop class. By 1130 we are home for lunch. I TRY to squeeze in aerodance at 1pm. Then voice at 2pm for Nadine and Raya until 4pm, 1 hour each. By 430 pm, Alyssa's turn to dance ballet.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, we leave in time for Cerise's therapy at 3pm. Right after it's done, we ask the driver to drop Alyssa and me at ballet while Yaya Anie brings Cerise home. The driver just brings the car back to us afterwards.

In between those activities, I make sure that dinner is cooked and ready for heating as we get home kinda late from Alyssa's ballet and I'd like to put up my feet already and enjoy the rest of the evening with my girls.

Despite the busyness I do enjoy myself spending time with each child. It isn't easy but it is in the little things that we get to know the individuality of each and what makes them tick. I love being a mom! I love being surrounded by their laughter and voices. They each have their own quirks and I love finding them out and knowing how to deal with them. Someday I will look back at this summer and miss the busyness of it. Right now, I will just savor the moment.

Nadine horseback riding


Raya playing chess with a high school student


Alyssa doing ballet


Cerise before going to therapy