Is it harder to be a Mommy or a Daddy?

Nadine asked her dad and me this question one time. My ever-observant little girl must have noticed me getting rattled again when for the nth time all three of them were try to vie for my attention. I did not reply and gave it a thought. She asked again this time more directed to her dad when she saw that I did not reply, “Daddy, is it harder to be a Mommy or a Daddy?"

“I think it is harder to be a Mommy,” was my husband’s reply. I smiled at his answer but was curious as to why HE thought this was so. “Why?” Nadine prodded. “Well, because I can’t do all the things that Mommy can do,” my husband answered.

I thought of this for a moment. Looking at my life as an example (and I know a lot of mothers are in the same boat too) you can see that motherhood is definitely a multi-tasking career. It isn’t easy to juggle being a teacher, doctor, tutor, driver, cook and nurturer at the same time. And perhaps, this is what my daughter sees, especially since it is I who is more visible to them (and the one who loses her patience more often with them).

But I do not believe that this responsibility is limited to being a “Mommy” or a “Daddy”. I have known couples whose situations are reverse: it is the Mommy who is working and earning while it is the Daddy who stays home and takes care of the children and the household. And they are happy with such environments. I think if both the husband and the wife have a clear understanding as to their roles and contributions to the family then they need not live up to the norms of society.

I always believed that there is more to having a man and a woman bear a child. It is still the most ideal set up to have both parents available and active in the upbringing of their children. Having both parents present creates a balance in the life of a child. While I may be more strict in discipline and routine, Mier balances me off by making sure that there is fun and enjoyment too. And when at times he raises his voice, the children know that they can find comfort in me.

So is the responsibility harder for the parent who stays home with the children? It may seem so but not necessarily, I think. I don’t really think that what I am doing is hard or harder for that matter. I consider it a joy doing what I do for my family. When I see them finish up with gusto the food I’ve prepared or when they give me a meaningful “thank you” for helping them dress up or take a bath, then I am content.

I think that while mothers are perceived as the more nurturing one, fathers also have their own method of nurturing their children. They have a crucial role in a child’s upbringing and development. Sometimes, as mothers we tend to think that we are superwomen, capable of doing everything. Sometimes we think that we can do a better job in parenting. And this actually gets in the way of giving the fathers responsibility over the children and the children bonding with the fathers. It takes a lot to let go and trust that all will be well and fathers are actually more than capable of handling their children.

The other night, Raya wanted some ice cream and Mier agreed to go out and get some after dinner with her. Nadine and I were still studying for a test the next day so we decided to stay home and just wait for the ice cream. But as they were about to leave, 2-year old Alyssa insisted on going too. I told Mier to take the two younger girls since our helper still had to eat dinner. He gave me a surprised look and said, “Kaya ko yun dalawa?” I said confidently, “Yes, because you’re their daddy.” We strapped them in their car seats and off they went to the store.

They came back after a while with ice creams in tow. “How did it go?” I asked him. He beamed, “We’re ok.” But I knew they were more than okay. It was another bonding moment for them.