On Sibling Jealousy

Alyssa woke up at 3am crying inconsolably. "Mommy, I need you!" she wailed. Although I was lying down beside her, I was also breastfeeding Cerise and couldn't give her my full attention. If I stopped breastfeeding her, Cerise in turn would start crying. It made me feel bad that I had to choose between the two younger ones and since Alyssa is older and can be reasoned more, I continued breastfeeding Cerise while trying to talk to Alyssa.

I told Alyssa that she has to understand that Cerise needs me more because she is still a baby. "I don't understand!" Alyssa continued to wail.

Fortunately, Mier, who was sleeping with Nadine and Raya in the other room, heard our commotion and came to the room. Alyssa refused to be comforted by Mier and wanted only me. I told Mier to get Cerise and burp her. Good thing, Cerise did not fuss, as she usually does, when Mier picked her up. I was then able to concentrate on Alyssa.

I gathered Alyssa into my arms and looked into her eyes. I told her that when she was a baby, she was like Cerise who needed me to feed her and carry her and comfort her. I explained to her that babies, like Cerise, cannot talk or walk or eat ice cream or play in the park --- things that she, as a big girl, can do already. That is why Cerise needs me more now. I told her that I needed her too, to help me take care of Cerise. Surprisingly, Alyssa took in my explanations well and seemed content with what I said.

Alyssa and Cerise

It was a dejavu for me. Six years ago, I had the same experience when out of the blue, two-year old Nadine blurted out, "I don't like Baby Raya!" I talked to Nadine about her feelings not negating it because I believed she is entitled to feel the way she did. I think it was really an adjustment phase for her at that time. Today Nadine and Raya are very close. They also fight and have misunderstandings which is, I believe normal for siblings. But I know deep down inside, they love and care for each other.

Any mother would like to see her children get along well. I cringed at those families whose children are always fighting because of jealousy and hatred. I have constantly reminded my girls that they take care of each other and love each other because they are sisters. But I am also aware of their differences in characters and personalities. I know that somehow, it can't be helped that they will have clashes in beliefs and wants. But I do pray and hope that these would help them grow in understanding each other rather than pulling them apart.

Today, Alyssa woke up in a good mood. She hugged and kissed me and did not make a fuss getting ready for school. I hope that what we talked about during the early morning would sink in.