Fighter

I always believed that Cerise is a fighter from the start. But did she have to be tested for her toughness again and again? That was what was going through my mind when once again she was burning with fever while we were vacationing in Manila for Holy Week. The fever started on the eve of Holy Thursday. As what I'd usually do, I'd give her her medication, give her a lukewarm bath and observe and pray that it will end soon.By the third day, with or without the doctor's advice, I would get a CBC. And that's how it went. And good thing I did get a CBC before seeing the doc that Monday because it turned out that Cerise had dengue.


Of all people to get it! Of all people who would be unfortunate enough to get bitten by this fearsome mosquito! It would be my Cerise! You'd hear other families, other people whose children would get dengue and pray for them. But never in your wildest dreams would you think that it would happen to any of your children, must less Cerise! Hasn't she gone through enough already? :-(

My heart was just breaking into a million pieces once again. Why must it have to go through this again and again and again? I didn't have the answers to my questions nor did I expect to get them. This is where faith steps in, I guess, and I once again implored the heavens to heal my baby and help her get through this ordeal. And when my mouth and mind would not know what to pray for any more, I would chant quietly, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus..." Isn't saying His name a prayer in itself? I remember reading it somewhere and I had to just do it that way. I was exhausted. Mier was exhausted. My baby was exhausted. Dear Lord, please just listen to what my heart had to say because my mind could not express it anymore.

The problem with Cerise is that her veins are so small and barely seen under her skin. It took the doctor more than an hour to find one to insert her IV into. Yes, more than an hour of lying down and squirming on that miserable table in the pedia room while doctors poked and scrutinized her, trying to look for a vein. My baby would cry and look at me with pleading eyes and I could do nothing but hold her and soothe her through this ordeal. I would sing to her, hoping it would help distract her. I think it worked a little. But I couldn't help my own tears from falling. Finally they were able to insert the dreaded needle and Cerise drifted off to a deep sleep from pure exhaustion. Finally medication can now begin.

Two hours later, a medical technician came into the room again to take another blood sample for tests. He would be needing a good amount of blood for the test so it needed to be extracted once again and not just pricked. As expected, he couldn't find a good vein again. He left and brought another med tech with him. Still couldn't find it. They brought in a more senior technologist but still was not successful. By this time I was more than angry already. I was furious and raging. I demanded a doctor come and put in that needle. To cut the long story short, it took them almost 7 hours to get that blood sample. We finally fell asleep at 230am.

Cerise was traumatized with every person in uniform. She would whimper when one would enter the room even if that person would just have to check the her IV or just look at her. And we needed to check her blood constantly because dengue is a blood disease. We just had to bear it and ask people to help pray with us. Once I saw her just lying down and looking at her fingers, probably wondering why they were hurting, why they were blackened by squeezing and blood clots. She can understand more now. And the pain in my heart was just too much, almost physical that leave you gasping for breath. Please Lord, let this ordeal not happen again to any of my children.

In hindsight, even if Cerise was unfortunate to be sick again, she didn't get it as bad as most people who would be diagnosed with dengue. I know families, who have lost members from this sickness. The mosquito does not choose its victims, whether rich or poor. It was a good thing that we discovered the dengue before her platelet count had fallen below 100. The doctor assured me that it would be easier to help her if her platelet count is still high. And true enough, because medication started early and because many people were praying for her, Cerise's platelet count started to rise slowly and steadily. By the 4th day, we were out of the hospital. I guess this is a blessing in itself already and I am grateful and thankful to Him who was with us all through out this harrowing experience.

When we got back from the hospital, Cerise sat in the middle of the room and joined her sisters in playing. It was as if nothing happened, as if she didn't just spend 4 days in the hospital and have needles poked through her, as if her life was not in danger once again. Maybe because of her age, she wouldn't remember any of this in the future. That this would just be a thing of the past. But one thing for sure, Cerise is a fighter! She has proven this before when she was just a newborn and once again she has shown her fighting spirit in full force. I believe that God has a purpose for her. That He has something planned for her in the greater scheme of things.

I just remembered now that when we visited Lola Flory in the convent, she related to us the story of her birth. She was a weak baby and when she was born, the nurses presumed her dead already. But one nurse massaged her chest and after awhile they were surprised to find her breathing again. And I think this happened a few more times, her heart would stop but after a massage would go on again. I told her then that God probably had something planned for her to let her continue breathing and living up to this day. She is now 90 years old.


Perhaps, God has something planned also for Cerise. Maybe nothing grand or big. Maybe just a difference in a few lives. But I believe that she is given to us for a purpose and someday, someday, that will be revealed to us too.

I Claim It!

Cerise turned 18 months (1 year and 6 months) today. She's half way through her second year and has gone through more medical and physical difficulties than most children her age. She is a happy toddler whose personality is starting to emerge. She is a happy social butterfly who can charm her way to get what she wants. She is our darling!

Looking through my older posts about what we went through during her first few months, I get goosebumps. I could have lost her easily then. And every time a setback occurs (amoebiasis, increase in thyroid levels and liver enzymes, etc.), I am wrought with anxiety. But God has ever been faithful and constant throughout our trying times. And Cerise continues to improve and grow well.

Last week, she had to go through her routine blood work. This happens every 3-4 months and I have to psych myself up days before it happens. I've never been one who would be taken aback with blood and other medical procedures. But knowing the discomfort and pain Cerise needs to go through just makes me cringe. And on top of the usual Thyroid levels and SGPT, SGOT, the pedia gastro also wanted to check for Hepatitis and if the Hepa vaccine given is enough for her body. Kidneys were also going to be checked by the blood work. So all in all, there were 8 blood tests! My poor baby! And since she has gained weight already, my constant fear was that her vein would not be clear enough and that the technicians would have to poke and look for it. Thank God for Sir Selwyn of Maria Reyna Hospital Lab who always finds her vein and gets good blood!

We got the results the afternoon of that same day. Praise God for good results! Her thyroid levels have normalized due to the medication that she has been taking for almost a year now. Her liver enzymes were still high but have gone down quite considerably since her last blood test. Her HBsAg and Renal screenings were normal too. All in all, blood results are very good! God hears our prayers!

Today, on her 18th month, Cerise had a scheduled appointment with Dr. Cindy Llego, her development pediatrician. I love Dr. Llego! She is all positive and thorough and really is concerned about the welfare and overall development of Cerise. The improvements of Cerise that she had noted include:

• can walk with one hand held; can crawl and move around the room independently
• can say about 5-10 words
• interacts well

Upon her observation and examination, she noted the following findings:

• Very talkative, heard to speak mature jargon
• Pointed a lot to things of interest; very engaging
• Sometimes insisted on what she wants to do
• Liked to scribble
• Very comfortable in standing position, cruised

At her current age of 18 months, Cerise's skills in the following areas of development were shown to be at these levels:

• Locomotor (big muscle movements) - 12 1/2 months
• Personal-Social (self help skills & socialization) - 16 months
• Language (understanding others & expressing oneself) - 17 months
• Eye and Hand Coordination (grasping, drawing, writing) - 22 months
• Performance (non-verbal problem solving) - 20 1/4 months

As can be seen, Cerise continues to progress developmentally in all areas. Some areas are even well beyond her age! Dr. Llego says the Personal-Social and Language areas are just right for her age. Her delay would just be her Locomotor. She recommends that we continue physical therapy twice a week with Teacher Joy and developmental stimulation at home. We will repeat lab tests after 3 months. As per the geneticist, Dr. Cutiongco's advice, we should have the FISH analysis and urine organic acid profile done soon.

As soon as she learns to walk, Cerise can cease going to her therapy already. The doctor does not see the need for Occupational Therapy as cognitive wise, she seems to be very well.

Cerise is on her way to recovery and I am beyond relief!!! Her doctor has high hopes for her and believes that she will be able to catch up with children her age. I believe so too. I claim it!

This is the look she gives when you ask her to smile. :-) So adorable!

Doing Her Work

I've learned to accept the fact that every child is different. With this in mind, I try not to expect that I will get the same reaction or the same results with each of my girls. Regarding school work for instance, I've seen the difference between Nadine and Raya's learning capacities. I've written about this in another blog entry, Teacher Mommy.

So with Alyssa, I wasn't sure what to expect with how she would handle school. But maybe because she sees the older girls sit down and do their homework or study for exams, she in turn, would like to do the same. Lately, she would insist on doing her "work." Her teacher sent writing exercises months before so the children can practice writing their names. Now Alyssa's name is the longest among the 4 girls and I cringed when I saw her writing assignment.

I never forced her to finish up the writing exercises. Same days she would do it, others no. But I do tell her that when she starts writing she should finish through. Slowly, the number of writing pages would lessen as we would submit these to the teacher as soon as she's done with it.

The past 3 days though, she has been ganado or overly excited to "do her work." As soon as her movie is done or she has taken a bath or finished playing with her toys, she would announce, I would like to "do my work" now, Mommy. I would then ask her to get a pencil and I would give her a page of her writing exercise and she would proceed diligently, stopping only to show me that she has finished a line of her name. :-)


I am amazed how different she is with her sisters. It took a while for Nadine to know how to write her letters and moreso Raya. But like, I said, they are all different and I like the surprises I get. Today, after finishing her page, she announce to everyone, "I love school!" :-) Yes, she is an adorable little one. Hope she won't be growing up too soon.

Aglio e Olio with Hungarian Sausage

Description:
This was dinner last night. Yum is all I can say! Even Raya enjoyed it. :-) I made another pasta sauce for the girls just in case they wouldn't like this. But they tried this oil-based pasta and said they liked it too. (They just preferred the creamy based one. LOL!). Super easy to make and hits the right spot! :-)

Ingredients:
Spaghetti
Olive oil
Garlic, minced
Hungarian Sausage cut lengthwise
salt and pepper
Dried Basil (optional)

Directions:
1. Cook spagehetti according to package instructions.
2. Heat about 1/2 cup of Olive Oil in a pan. Saute Garlic in oil.
3. Just as Garlic is about to brown, add Hungarian Sausage and stir fry.
4. Season with salt and pepper. Add dried basil if desired.
5. Serve on top of bed of spaghetti.

Papa and Mama's 40th Anniversary

My Papa and Mama (Abu and Mama Flory to their grandchildren) celebrated their 40th anniversary last March 4. We joined them in their community's assembly on that day. We heard mass at 8am at the St. Francis Xavier Chaplaincy in Pueblo had snacks and breakfast there then stayed on while Papa shared during the assembly. After their gathering, we trooped to Macasandig for a simple yet satisfying lunch. :-)

Lenten Sacrifices

When we were younger, my parents encouraged us to make a sacrifice during Lent. Starting from Ash Wednesday up to Easter Sunday, we were to give up something we truly enjoyed. Aside from individual sacrifices, we also had a yearly family sacrifice and that was 40 days of no TV. My dad would unplug the TV and we would not see or watch a single show for the whole forty days. This would include TV shows when we would go to my Lola's house. So while cousins would hover around a Sunday movie, me and my siblings would  hang out in the dining area or play in the garden, do things that would take us away from the tube.

Then we would have individual sacrifices too. I remember my sacrifices would differ every year: no softdrinks, no chocolates, no ice cream. All depending on what I would fancy that year. And we would follow through doing our sacrifices whether at home or not, whether our parents see us or not.

Now that I am a parent and my children are growing with the understanding of Lent, I wanted to teach them the value of sacrifice. Why sacrifice during Lent? I explained to my two older girls that we sacrifice during Lent to remind us of Christ's sufferings in order to save us from sin. The goal is to bring us closer to God.

The girls were game about it and thought about what they would be willing to give up. Nadine said she would stop using the computer. That includes Internet and games etc. She can use it only for school work. Raya was willing to give up playing with small toys which she really enjoys doing. I told the girls I was partially giving up Facebook. I would check important messages only on Fridays (sometimes, people would get in touch with me through Facebook and would ask for important information etc.)

They were excited at first but when the novelty started to wear off, they wished they sacrificed something else. LOL! I told them that was the value of what they were giving up and on times they feel like they are tempted to do what they've said they will stop doing, then offer that temptation up to God.

I am proud of my girls for following through. We are halfway through Lent and I know that they've stuck to what they've promised to do although they would mention it at times about wanting to do it. But I know that they wouldn't because they have promised. This is the first time we are doing it and I am happy how things have progressed. I hope that as the years go on, they would understand more fully the reason why we do this and that this would make them closer to God.

Graceful Exit

It has been quite some time since I've written something in this blog. It was good to reread my posts and see how that woman a few months/years back thought about life, family and children. It made me realize the things I believed in, the values I want to imbibe and the life I want to live.

Amazing how things have turned out. So much has happened in our lives. Good things, bad things. Things we thought were bad but turned out good in the end. And there were some endings --- relationships, businesses, lives and friendships. We'll never know what God has in stored for us. We can only trust in Him and His ways.

I came across this quote in the Internet that I feel expresses what I think right now. I'd like to believe that I have been practicing graceful exits the past years. I've handled transitions and changes in my life quite well. Some can be unsettling and more pronounced, others small and minute. But whatever it is, I have moved on quite well, trusting in Him and anticipating new surprises in my life.

“There’s a trick to the 'graceful exit.' It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over — and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.” -- Ellen Goodman